Well meaning therapist, pastors, friends, celebrities are quick to give relationship advice. Their intentions are good, but the advice they give is poor. Why? Because it is based on how they think, what they consider “right” behavior, and unfortunately it completely disregards the duality of the subconscious mind. The subconscious mind is where our personality is. The subconscious controls, all of our relationships, from romantic, to work, from associates, to our very best friends we will every have. But also deep within the subconscious other preferences are hidden such as; how we prefer to work, the type of home we will have, whether we own a home, or rent, the type of work we will do, and millions of other things that form each and everyone of us. For the first time Dr. David Newman, and Carol Eisterhold Rice pull back the curtain and show the reader the duality of the mind, and how to use this secret knowledge to find, grow, and maintain the perfect romantic, personal or business relationship.
Every relationship begins with a honeymoon stage. Suddenly, there is this wonderful, fascinating other person with whom you want to spend all your time. When you are apart, you are thinking of one another and when you meet, your world is transformed into a magical place simply because the two of you are in it together. Everything about your partner pleases and amazes you; this paragon of beauty, intelligence, wit and competence has chosen to love you of all the people on the planet, seems to be a miracle. You feel as if you and your partner are the first people ever to experience love, that it is totally new and totally dazzling. As an Emotional or Analytical paired with your opposite, whose attributes complement yours, you feel complete and whole.
During the “honeymoon stage” there is spectacular sexual chemistry between opposites. The Analytical partner, intrigued and mentally stimulated by his or her Emotional lover, behaves in a manner which appears more Emotional than Analytical. The Analytical is suddenly interested in frequent intercourse and other sexual activities. He or she is delighted to concentrate over and over again on pleasing the partner, because of the very novelty of watching the responses of a new and different individual, possessed by that fascinating “otherness”.
The Emotional partner is characteristically delighted to receive attention, acceptance and sexual favors from his or her Analytical lover. The quiet reserve, “in control” manner of the Analytical, seems to crack and dissolve when in contact with the Emotional partner’s white-hot sensuality. Watching the usually contained Analytical behave with such uncharacteristic abandon can make the Emotional Sexual feel very powerful indeed. The Emotional, motivated always by the underlying fear of rejection, particularly sexual rejection, is enraptured by the illusion that his or her own charms are so irresistible and enticing that the Analytical partner has been transformed into a flattering replica of the Emotional.
In the newness of the relationship, believing that this is the one they have been waiting for, both parties let down their normal defenses and allow their vulnerable sides to show. The confident, spontaneous behavior of the Emotional is rewarded by the Analytical’s playfulness and pursuit of the Emotional.
The Analytical’s uncharacteristic pursuit is rewarded by the Emotional’s acceptance and charm. At this stage of the relationship there is a powerful romantic connection between the lovers, passionate leave-takings and reunions, seductive glances across crowded or empty spaces, love poems and letters exchanged. The lovers report a profound sense of having found the “missing pieces” of themselves, of feeling complete and satisfied. If you know the maxim, “everybody loves a lover”, you probably also know this one: “The honeymoon is over”, which means quite simply that things are back to normal. The gloss has worn off the apple, the bloom is off the rose, we have seen the prince or princess in the daylight and, alas, the beloved has a few warts. In other words, the Emotional or Analytical partner begins to perceive and be annoyed by the very oppositeness that once attracted them. As the honeymoon fades into memory, the newness and chemistry that sparked them to let down their normal guard fades as well, their defenses emerge and their Primary behaviors become more apparent.
The old saying “familiarity breeds contempt” describes what happens as our perceptions change after the honeymoon period when love, and our partners, are thrillingly new and challenging. The truth of the matter is that no relationship can remain at the red-hot stage of its beginning and the changes that occur are normal, although they can be disappointing and troubling.
This natural decline of the previous intensity is called the “plateau”, or “taking it for granted” stage of the relationship. Once both parties feel secure, the tension between them relaxes. This modulation of feelings is natural, even desirable, and most people can accept that the lessening of feeling that occurs in the plateau stage as normal and can remain in the plateau stage for months, years or even for a lifetime.
One of the first places that this cooling-down becomes evident is in the couple’s bedroom, where the Analytical begins to revert to his or her normal take-it-or-leave it attitude toward sex. The Analytical predictably becomes less enthralled with “love” and increasingly interested in career, hobby, friends and other non-sexual interests. However, at the same time, the Emotional Sexual is usually ready for a rest as well, a chance to attend to other, neglected aspects of life. When the Analytical returns to his or her other (nonsexual) inters, the Emotional partner may be able to accept — and even mirror — the Analytical’s lower level of desire and sexual expression. As long as the Emotional does not feel rejected by his or her Analytical lover, the partners may floats along rather peacefully for months or even years.
In most cases, this tranquility is only temporary. In time, sometimes a very short time, the sexual personality of one partner reasserts itself in a way that the other partner cannot tolerate. For example, the Emotional’s response to the shock of the end of the honeymoon stage is to make an even deeper commitment. Here is an illustration of one of the most important aspects of the Emotional Sexual’s behavior: When rejected, the Emotional unlike the Analytical will not leave a relationship literally (by walking out) or figuratively (by cutting emotional ties to the partner). When the relationship cools, the Emotional Sexual commits even further to the relationship, because they misinterpret the Analytical’s new aloofness as a withdrawal of affection, or rejection.
Get What You Want From The Bedroom To the Boardroom is available in print form, from Amazon and Barns & Noble. It is also available in digital form though Kindle, Nook, and iBooks. Get What You Want From the Bedroom To the Bedroom is currently in audio production for Audible Audio Books.